December 8th

Today marks exactly one year since my life extraordinarily changed.

I have this thing for magazines. I usually don’t buy things I don’t ‘need’, but magazines are my consumer weakness. I always have different ones at my bedside – I can usually make it through at least one article before promptly falling asleep.

Around a year ago, a few different magazines I picked up coincidentally had the same topic in them all – women’s biological clocks – something to think about, since I’m edging closer to 30. Of course Ian and I had the conversation in passing – sometime down the road – way down the road! – we would have children, if the powers that be allowed. We were also willing to accept that sometimes it’s just not in the cards.

This week a year ago, it dawned on me that things may not be lining up in my regular life. I thought about those articles I read over the past few weeks and how all the factors that need to be just so to be able to conceive is really quite a miracle. There was no way I could be pregnant.

You know you’re from a small town when you get your friend (who happens to work at the pharmacy) to buy a couple pregnancy tests when the store is closed, so there’s no chance of rumours… A year ago today I tried the first one. Then I pounded back some water and tried the second one 10 minutes later, just to be sure what I was seeing was correct. Same result. I was in shock.

Now, I ain’t no virgin Mary – I know how it works. I thought back to all the fun I had been having the past few months – I just finished recording a new album, I blew the last of my savings on a piece of land. This wasn’t supposed to happen yet. I didn’t plan this. I wasn’t ready yet.

The world works in funny ways. Today our healthy, happy son is exactly 4 months old. I’m still as in shock as I was a year ago. My heart is overwhelmingly thankful and lucky and blessed and full. I “get it” now. Becoming a mother is exactly what needed to happen – I’m not sure why I doubted the universe.